The Reaper's Bane
by Thoughtless Mind
Summary: A Man turned into an Asari. An Asari turned into a Killing Machine. The Reaper's will learn to fear me... and Shepard. Powerful Self Insert story. OCxLiara, ShepardxWilliams. No Vorcha were harmed during the making of this story. Rated M for language, violence, and my insanity.


The Reaper's Bane

By: Thoughtless Mind

_Krak-Pow!_

I jumped slightly as the thunder roared outside my window. _That wasn't there a few seconds ago,_ I thought to myself. _Oh well._

I turned back to my TV as Mass Effect loaded. I had finally gotten my copy of Mass Effect 2 back from my friend and I was eager to do a complete play through of the trilogy. For a long while, I only had Mass Effect and Mass Effect 3. I would spend hours on either one, but I really wanted to get the missing piece and complete the puzzle as it were.

I slumped back in my gaming chair as the title screen appeared on my box TV. Right as I went to press start, everything went black as the electricity went out. "You've got to be shitting me!" I swore as I threw the controller down.

My bad mood didn't stay for long, however, as the power came back on after a few minutes. A frown appeared on my face as static showed up on the TV. I slightly stood up from my chair and whacked the side of the TV a few times; always worked for me.

I grinned as the title screen appeared and I quickly pressed start. While I expected the start menu to appear, I was shocked to see the screen fade into a pure white screen. "What the hell?" I slowly muttered as I crept up to the TV.

Almost unconsciously my hand came up and touched the screen. A scared yelp came out of my mouth as my hand seemed to phase into the TV. The screen rippled as I quickly yanked my hand back. I looked down at my hand in surprise, as if it held some power I didn't know about. I looked back up at the TV in time to see the ripples reach the edge of the TV screen frame and stop. _I wonder,_ I thought briefly as my hand reached the screen again.

Briefly hesitating as I licked my lips, my mind said 'Screw it!' and I shoved my arm in up to my elbow. "Huh, this isn't as bad as-," I began to say before feeling _something_ grab my hand and try to pull me in.

Now, I'm a big man. 255 pounds and 6' feet tall, I ain't no shrimp. I've worked most of my life on a farm so I have plenty of muscles where it counts. The strength behind that one tug, however, made my arm almost get pulled out of socket. I swore as another tug came and it made my head smack against the edge of the TV. "****!" I shouted as blood started running down my face and over my left eye.

I struggled through the flash of pain and tried to pull myself from the TV. I managed to turn my body so my back was facing the TV. I figured I could get more pull that way. As I took one step something grabbed my shirt and yanked, hard. I ended up sitting on the TV screen frame, hands and legs clenched around the frame. "Ay! Asshole! I don't swing that way!" I shouted, not caring if the thing could hear me or not. I thought about yelling for my parents, but Dad didn't get back until 9 at night and Mom was out shopping with Grandma.

Looking for anything that could help me I couldn't find anything. As if something grabbed my mind, my eyes went down to my chin. A drop of blood was hanging there, slowly bobbing with the motion of my breathing. The drop seemed to pop off and fall to the ground. The whole world seemed to slow as my eyes followed the blood drop, my gaze turning into tunnel vision. The blood hit the ground, emitting a loud _plop_ sound.

Right as the sound reached my ears, a huge force grabbed my back and wrenched me through the TV. The white screen slowly faded away back to the start menu. An eerie silence settled upon the now vacant room. When people returned to the house, the only clues as to what happened that evening were the abandoned controller and the single drop of blood on the floor near the TV. No evidence was found to further the investigation and was labeled as a cold case two weeks later.

oOo

"Now this is some Twilight Zone shit!" I swore. I appeared to be floating in a white tunnel. I could tell it was a tunnel by the way the area moved as I floated by. Due to the way I appeared here, my body was doing constant flips. I had already reached 200 by the time I lost count. I could've been in here for hours or just minutes, it was impossible to tell.

_Well, now what do I do?_ I thought, slightly depressed. I'm a pretty smart kid with my last IQ rating being around 137. I already knew this was more than likely going to be a one way trip. I wasn't going to pop up somewhere in Africa; I had the feeling this was of the dimensional shifting type. I may be smart, but I'm not smart enough to even begin to understand quantum mechanics so building a portal is out.

A small part of my mind, however crazy, was excited. This was the chance for a new adventure; something different from mindless work at a college for a small piece of paper. Sure, I might die as soon as I get out of this tunnel, but it would be cooler than dying of old age.

Some of you might think that I'm crazy to be thinking this way… well, you're partly correct. You'd go crazy too if the only person you had to talk to for the majority of every day was yourself. It gets to the point when you just start holding conversations with yourself and not even giving a damn anymore.

Deciding to wait the tunnel out, I force my body to assume an Indian sitting position and just close my eyes. Out of habit, I check my pockets and am happy to find my wallet and iPod. The Good Lord knows I would die of boredom without my tunes. I put my beats in and play _Started from the Bottom__**. **_Yeah, I'm a white farmer listening to rap music, get over it. Most of my friends at college are black so I have acquired some 'tastes' over time.

My eyes clench as I feel a shift in the direction I'm traveling. I open my eyes and let my jaw drop. You know those spiral optical illusions? Yeah, imagine being stuck in a giant one shaped like a whirlpool. Now I have to deal with spins along with flips. I've never been motion sick in my life, but at that moment I didn't have choice. The worst thing was that I started going faster the further down in the whirlpool I went.

"Jane! Stop this crazy thing!" I couldn't help but shout as I approached the bottom. I could see a small drain hole looking structure and noticed how small it was. "Shit…," I muttered as I went legs first into it. The motion stopped when my stomach wouldn't go down the hole.

Now at this moment, I felt like the fat kid in _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory__**. **_I tried to push myself up, but the constant suction kept me from going anywhere. I sighed and lightly tapped my fingers against my arm. "Wonder how this will turn out," I said thoughtfully.

Right at that moment a giant shadow fell over me. I froze and hesitantly looked up only to swear, "You have to be shitting me!" A literal piece of crap was falling towards me. It was at this moment that I realized that I was at the bottom of a giant toilet. "Oh hell no!" I swore again as I began to try to suck in my gut in order to go down the drain. I succeeded only to bang my head on the rim of the drain on the way down. Darkness quickly overtook my vision and consciousness left my vision.

oOo

The first thing I heard after being knocked out was the sound of beach waves. I slowly opened my eyes only to close them immediately when the sun hit them. After waiting a few minutes, I opened them again and sighed as I looked up into a blue sky. I reached up to my head and winced when I felt a large amount of dried blood covering it. _I probably look like a sight,_ I thought with humor. _Well, no use laying here and gathering sand_.

I slowly rose up into a sitting position and was immediately struck by the beauty of my surroundings. A small beach house stood behind me with a wooden walkway leading to it. The house was surrounded by a virtual jungle that stretched for as far as I could see. Over the top of the trees, I could see a mountain range blocking my sight from the rest of the island. Arching my back around, I looked out at an endless ocean. The water was eerily calm, no waves at all except for the small ones that washed up onto the sand.

"Beautiful," I muttered in awe.

"**Beauty is an illusion, mortal. It only hides the darkness beneath.**"

I jumped at the dark machine-like voice that appeared out of nowhere. My eyes widened as the once calm ocean began to vibrate. A dark protrusion began to raise out of the water with gallons of water rolling off of it. My eyes widened even more and my jaw dropped as the protrusion kept going up… and up. The damn thing was probably as big as the Empire State Building! When the massive object finally left the water, my brain short-circuited at what I was looking at. It was a giant squid life-form that had rocky looking armor covering it. My mind could only think one word: Leviathan. That's when it finally clicked...

I was in the Mass Effect universe.

"**You are a weird one, mortal. Perhaps that's why our creator has chosen you,**" the Leviathan said inside my head.

I blinked a few times before looking at myself. I was wearing a brown Sonic the Hedgehog shirt that had him curled up into a ball and said "This is how I roll". The rest was covered by black cargo pants and sandals.

I get up, swiping sand off of me and suddenly what the Leviathan finally hit me. I looked up to its eyes and said, "What do you mean by creator? What does he want with me?"

"**Our creator is the One-Above-All. You know him as God. He has picked you to pursue his objective.**"

"And what, pray tell, does God want me to do that he or you couldn't do?"

"**It is not the matter of not being able to do it. It is more like not wanting to dirty our hands, figuratively speaking. Our objective is the destruction of the Reapers.**"

I chuckled at the weirdness of the situation. I should be releasing my bowls in the present of this creature and yet, I can't help but feel peaceful. It might have been the beautiful surroundings I was in. Then again, I've always been a calm person and not very attached to my emotions. "See, that's where our idea of God differs," I began. "My God doesn't want the destruction of anybody. Therefore, you're God has no authority over me. That being said, why wait until now to pursue this objective? Why bring me into this when the Protheans would of have been a better choice? What can I offer that they couldn't?"

The massive creature seemed to pause as it thought out a reply. "**The Protheans were close to being ready, that is true,**" it began. "**They, however, lacked the time and knowledge in order to prepare for the Reapers. You, on the other hand, have complete knowledge of the future of this universe and ideas for technology light years ahead of the present ones.**" It paused again and I got the sense it was studying my form intensely. "**Your current form will have to go, however. It is not fit for the trials you will face.**"

"Whoa, we ain't got to bring weight into this discussion!" I shouted, waving my hands. "I know I've put on a few pounds, but that don't mean you have to go for a low blow." My eyes narrowed at him after that. "Anyway, what made you think I'll go along with this idea in the first place?"

I watched shocked as the Leviathan actually rolled its eyes at me. "**In order: I'm not talking about your weight. I'm talking about your being. A human's body is not built for the path you will walk. And,**" at this point an ominous tone entered its voice, "**what made you think you had a choice to start with? If you refuse, you will be killed and our creator will just bring another mortal from your world. Don't think you are irreplaceable, arrogant mortal!**"

I gulped at the threatening statement. "Hey, I never _said_ I wasgoing to say no," I said with a slightly scared tone. "If you think turning me into a cyborg is going to fly, however, you're dead wrong. I'm not becoming 95% machine, 5% human, left with only enough to know right from wrong and nothing else."

Even though it didn't show, I could tell the creature was offended. "**Please, my creator and I are not like those failed creations,**" it replied. "**The smallest thing we could produce would be a thousand times better than anything they could ever come up with. A cyborg, as you called it, would be following their footsteps. When I am done with you, you won't be human anymore.**"

That statement made me freeze. "What do you mean by that?"

"**There have been too many questions. Sleep, and let your ascension begin.**"

"Hey, I still have ques—"I began before feeling a heaviness fall about me. I tried valiantly to stay standing, but it was as if my energy was being sucked out. I fell backwards and made an imprint in the sand. Darkness crept into my vision as I saw armored beings with squid heads start walking from the water as if it was air. The last thing I saw before going unconsciousness was four Cephs soldiers staring down at me.

oOo

_Unknown amount of time later_

"**100% synchronization. Project Ascension complete,**" a female robotic voice announced.

_What… what's going on?_

"**Pod safety off. Opening pod.**"

My eyes opened slightly to be greeted by hazy vision. A clear glass window was placed over me, with a barren room in view beyond it. All I could make out was a blobish looking object to the right on some pedestal and a huge piece of machinery to the left. I watched dully as the clear glass pod door flipped open to the right. With my body still recovering from whatever those damn machines did to me, I unceremoniously dropped to my blue hands and knees… wait a minute, what!?

I stared intensely at my hands. Yep, I'm not seeing things: They're a cobalt blue color. Another thing, I'm feeling a heaviness around my chest area. I crane my head further down and stare… and stare some more. _DO I HAVE BOOBS?! _Holy Shit, I do! Horror came upon my face as a thought hit me: _If I have boobs, does that mean _it _is gone?___Furthering my gaze answered my question.

"AHHHHH!" I screamed, only to cut off and realize my voice was a higher pitch than it used to be. Then, it hit me. _I'm in Mass Effect and the only species I know of that is female and has blue skin is…_

"You Bastards Turned Me into an Asari?!" I yelled in anger. Unknown to me, a purple biotic field was rippling bare inches from my skin. The sheer power rolling off of me was unsettling to say the least. That is if I had noticed it. Right now I was too pissed to notice.

"**Correct, Mr. *****,**" the same female voice from before responded. A red holographic orb appeared near the exit to the room. "**Or is it Misses now?**"

"Okay," I said with my new voice, "I'm killing you after the overgrown squid. Give me your name so I know what _not _to put on your grave."

"**My designation is Sarah.**"

"Is that supposed to stand for something?"

"**No,**" Sarah said with innocent curiosity, "**Is it supposed to?**"

"Never mind," I said as I got to my feet finally. I couldn't stay mad at an AI for very long; they just seemed too innocent to me.

As I finally settled my balance in this form, I noticed my figure in the door. I have to say I looked very… bangable, for the lack of a better word. My skin was a baby smooth cobalt color, no wrinkles or hairs in sight. My brown hair was gone, replaced with stiff tentacle appendages. My eyebrows were gone leaving only the bones beneath the skin. My eyes had changed from hazel to a deep blood red, an inner glow seeming to emanate from them. My eyelashes were full and my eyelids slightly covered my eyes, reinforcing my seductive look. My nose had slimmed down a little, but hadn't changed that much. My lips were full and looked very kissable. I smirked like I used to as a man and knew that any man would probably blow a load at the sight of it. My face and neck had slimmed down. This and the loss of the eyebrows gave my face a predatorish yet sexy look to me.

My body was a knockout: hourglass body shape, DD breasts from what I could tell, toned arms and legs, and a bubble butt. The unmentionables… I'll leave that to your imagination. All in all, I'd bang myself. Matter of fact…

_NO! Bad Lane! Bad thoughts! ...Save it for when you're alone._

After my inspection, I looked back up to Sarah. "Very impressive work," I said with a sultry tone. I noticed at this point my voice had a low, husky tone naturally. The kind that makes men start to break out in a sweat as they try to hide their little soldiers standing at attention. "You could have asked if I wanted a species change, however."

"**It was deemed irreverent. The Overseer decided you needed an upgrade and his orders are to be followed at all costs.**"

I scoffed at that. "He could have picked any race in this universe for that upgrade and he just randomly chose the only race that had slight squid traits? I know exactly what that perverted cuttlefish was thinking."

"**That is not the reason the—**" Sarah began but I cut her off.

"Yeah, yeah, I don't care," I replied quickly. "He's lucky I approve the new form. My parents always said I should have been a girl since I was too well-mannered and intelligent to be a boy in their eyes." I paused to stretch and yawn, making my assets protrude even more. I'm sure if Sarah had been a male AI, her electronics would have short-circuited at the sight. "Anyways, what other upgrades have you made while I was out?"

Sarah seemed to gather herself before answering. "**Well, the first thing, and I'm sure you'll be happy to know, we've increased your cognitive functions. You're IQ has been increased by about 45.6% and we've managed to fully unlock the parts of your brain that correspond to memory, making it eidetic. The part of the brain that holds your instincts has been heightened as well, allowing for boosted reaction speed and reflexes.**

**We've also modified you're body. You're bones and muscles have been made denser and more powerful. You may look toned, but you hold a surprising amount of power within each movement. The natural eezo nodes that are within an asari's body have been amplified, granting power close to the oldest of the Matriarchs. It has been locked by a biotic dampener so your body will become used to it after time. As you have already noticed, your body has been shaped to look extremely pleasing to all races. This will give you access to valuable information through easier paths than others. You have been made into an assassin, the perfect killing machine.**"

I stood there in awe at the many things I now possessed inside this amazing body. Slowly, a devilish smile appeared on my face. "Excellent," I purred, "you do good work in what I imagine was a short window of time." Internally, I was kind of scared at how fast I was adapting this whole situation. I figured they messed with my brain a little more than they should have. Either that or my increased IQ was just making me adapt faster. "Okay, enough niceties. What are the two things in here?"

Sarah's orb disappeared before appearing near the pedestal. The blobish object I saw before was clearly a basketball-sized orb made of some shiny metal. Light shined through the metal, as if a sun was inside. I instantly recognized it due to my video game experience. "What is a Piece of Eden doing in Mass Effect?" I asked with confusion.

"**The One-Above-All believed it would be the easiest way to represent knowledge for you,**" Sarah said. "**Due to your asari physiology, your mind can meld with others and acquire information. This Piece of Eden, as you call it, holds a portion of the Leviathan's collective knowledge on the higher sciences. Your mind should be able to easily handle the transfer.**"

I clapped my hands together, rubbing them quickly. I was always happy to learn new things. "Let's do this," I said as I walk to the pedestal. I pick up the orb and close my eyes when the light shining through brightens to near unbearable levels. Pieces of information flow into my mind faster than I can attempt to see what they are. As the last piece of information flowed in, the Piece of Eden began to brighten even more before it evaporated into sparks of light. I blink my eyes a few times. "Well, that was anticlimactic. I was expecting an implosion or something."

If this was an anime, I'm sure Sarah would have had a sweat drop. "**Anyway,**" she began before appearing by the large machine on the opposite side of the room, "**this machine is a fabricator. Just input some commands and it can make anything you need. If there is something it can't make, I'm sure the Overseer can get it somehow. Might I suggest some clothes first?"**

I blinked before realizing I was still naked. I was confident in my sexuality as a man and I was definitely confident in my sexuality as an asari so I didn't mind walking around naked that much. On the other hand, the tiled floor was very cold on my feet and I was starting to shiver. _Clothes would not hurt to have__**.**_

I walked up to the fabricator and studied it. It consisted of a circle pad on the ground with a huge pod in front of it. I stepped onto the pad and a holographic screen popped up with a search bar and a keyboard. I assume whatever I wanted made would appear in the pod. I touched a letter on the keyboard, expecting to go through it. Instead I got the sense I was pushing on invisible tissue paper. I quickly typed in clothes and almost picked male when it asked for my sex. Hesitantly picking female, I watched in amazement as thousands of choices popped up. It was like millions of fashion catalogs had been turned into virtual data and were on one page.

Not knowing how long I was going to be here I picked a giant amount of clothes. I crossed my arms and cocked my hips to the side as the inside of the pod glowed bright orange, presumably from the massive amounts of Omni-gel being used. As the light died down, I opened the pod to find several chests full of clothes. I opened one to find tops and the other to find bottoms and underwear.

I gulped at the sight of the underwear. I'm not a big freak and I'm still a virgin so I had no experience with bras. I figured since they look simple they should be simple to put on. Turns out I was slightly wrong. They were easy to get on, but it took forever to get the breasts situated so the bra didn't rub them raw.

I chose a simple black lace bra and thong from the assortment before me. I then grabbed a black maxi skirt with the front ending at the knees and the back ending at the shins, the ends being ruffled. I placed elevated geta on my feet with tabi socks. To finish the outfit, I grabbed a cropped pink shirt that read "You think I look good? Imagine how I taste". I then placed a sheer robe over it, the end hanging around my waist.

Now you may be wondering why I'm dressed like a whore. If I've got it flaunt it, right? Besides, I'm sure the Leviathan's little helpers the Ceph didn't care what I looked like. Still trying to figure out why they are here. He's taking this whole squid theme thing too far. Shaking my head, I turned back to Sarah. "So, what's next?" I asked.

"**The Ceph will come by and take your clothes to your room. Come, on with the tour!**" Sarah said with a joyful voice. Her orb disappeared only to reappear on the other side of the door.

I walked through the automatic door only to appear in a long hallway. No other doors I could see except this one and the other at the end of the hall. I followed Sarah as she seemed to teleport down the hall. Sarah seemed to bounce as she moved, like a kid skipping. I chuckled at the thought. Seems like this AI was still light-years ahead of the Citadel Races' attempts.

My thoughts were followed by the rhythmic clack of my geta as I reached the other door. I sauntered through to find myself in a large room. Lights popped on at my presence and revealed a giant hangar. I was standing on a catwalk overlooking the place. I noticed that there were dozens of Ceph walking around, carrying heavy looking crates. "What's all this?" I asked, leaning on the catwalk railing.

"**This will be you're working area for the foreseeable future. All these crates are full of supplies for almost every experiment we could imagine you needing to do. Metals, chemicals, etc.**"

"That's something I've been wondering about," I started, "what year is it? From the way you guys have been talking I'm going to be here for a while."

"**The year is currently 2097**."

"Hm, so I have 86 years to get ready before the main story begins," I muttered, messing with my smooth chin. Weird not having a beard, but I'm sure I'll manage. Plans started forming in my head faster than they ever did in my other life. "Well, let's get started," I said with glee. "Time to rip the Reaper's a new asshole!"

**AN: Hey, what's up ya'll?! It's Thoughtless Mind here with a new story for you. I know a few of you are wondering when I'm going to update my other stories, right? My answer is… sometime. I'm the world's biggest procrastinator so it may be a few months to a year before I get around to it. This story would just not get out of my head so I ended up typing it out over the past few days. I'm planning to get another update out before going back to college but we will see.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from Mass Effect, Crysis, Gundam, or any other source I ****may**** use later. I only own myself, the plot for this story, and any OCs I may think of. This disclaimer is in effect for all chapters of this story.**


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